Positions Vacant

Listings are submitted by member organizations and printed verbatim, as editing another artisan's words is a form of automation.

Requirements:

• Minimum 12 years of experience in a seven-year-old framework
• Strong opinions about languages not used by the company
• Ability to estimate all projects as "about two weeks"
• Demonstrated resistance to developer tooling
• Comfortable maintaining undocumented critical systems; comfort of others not required
• Communication skills considered a disadvantage

Compensation: Competitive with 2011.

Responsibilities:

• Update documentation
• Write tests
• Modernize dependencies
• Receive explanations of why none of these changes can be merged

Growth path: In time, you will be the one explaining.

Responsibilities:

• Ban tools before evaluating them; evaluation creates attachment
• Produce risk assessments in manually formatted spreadsheets
• Ensure no team obtains an unfair productivity advantage, including ours
• Report directly to the Committee for Responsible Delay

Note: The previous Lead automated part of the reporting process and was promoted out of the organization as a containment measure.

Cover letters must be typed. Résumés listing "GitHub Copilot" under skills will be returned by post with a wax seal indicating disappointment. References from machines are not accepted.

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